Friday, October 15, 2010

Daring to Desire

I had no intention of leaving my last post hanging for so long! And what a post to leave hanging! My schedule got too full for writing but not to full for God to keep His gentle and patient leading. Looking back something did come out of that night, but it wasn’t that night alone. It’s been a process leading up to that and since then, and I’ve become a better woman because of it. Now, to find the words to summarize it to you.

DESIRE…that is the key word for what I’ve been walking through. Not the fleshly desire that we’re supposed to run from but the God-will-give-you-the-desires-of-your-heart desire. As God has challenged me to let my heart come alive, it’s brought a lot to the surface with it.

Do I really have FAITH to believe that God will do what He’s placed on my heart?
Do I believe that He has redeemed my heart and that my heart is GOOD?
Do I believe I REALLY HEAR from God and that He has given me these dreams?
Am I going to walk in confidence towards this or will I shy away in FEAR of failure?

Do I DARE to DESIRE when there is the possibility of disappointed?

I heard someone talking about “being on the near side of faith or the far side of faith”. If I had written before now, I would have been on the “near side” of learning desire…now, I’m in the middle hoping to be on the far side. Does that not make sense? Think of a river…if you’re on the near side you can think about the challenges of crossing and you can observe and learn about the river by what you see. Now, you cross the river and you’re on the far side. It’s not a thought or theory anymore. It’s reality for you now. You know what it takes because you’ve experienced it. So it is with this revelation. I’m “crossing the river” to the “far side” as we speak.

Here’s the interesting side of things, this is helping me learn to be me. It may be strange that these 2 things are connected but they are: desire and self-identity. Here’s the tie in: if I don’t believe the truth of who God’s created me to be, I can’t believe that what He’s put on my heart is true. God has been inviting me to be myself, fully and completely. And when I stop to think about it, it scares me to death!

To be different and set apart…not hiding in a crowd. To be seen and known for what I’m passionate about…not just accepting the status quo. To be secure in my beauty and individuality…not worrying about being accepted and what others think. *deep breath* Ok…here we go…

For those who are wondering, no, God has not given me specifics about my future. I refer to dreams and desires in the general sense of the term. That’s enough for now. The details are coming as I continue to grow and walk in obedience. It’s part of the faith-thing, knowing God will show me what I need to know, when I need to know it.

And that is where I am right now. Hopefully it will be much sooner than last time before you hear from me again. God is certainly doing enough! It’s just a matter of me taking some time to spell it out.  Until then, something for you to ponder…