Monday, May 7, 2012

Fall to My Knees

 It’s time for worship and I am on my knees. Again. This keeps happening.

Lately, there have not been many emotions involved as I’ve bowed. I just keep feeling like I need to be on my knees. No words from God. No intense intercession. No powerful emotion. No supernatural visions and dreams. Just feeling like I need to be on my knees. I’m slowly learning what it means.

One experience during a recent trip to Mexico helped define it for me. We hiked to a cement block hut to join about 30 other believers and started out with worship like any typical service. The difference this time was that we kept worshiping… and worshiping… and worshiping… and worshiping! People were responding to the Holy Spirit. There were people dancing. There were people lying on the floor because God’s presence was so strong they couldn’t stand. There were people crying out in tongues. There were people pacing and interceding. There were people who were deciding to become Christians even with no message preached. Can you guess where I was? On my knees.

I was there with my face in the dirt, half watching the feet of the people around me in my peripheral vision and half asking God if I was just faking it. Can I get up now? Silence. Ok, I’ll stay. Am I supposed to be feeling anything? Silence. Ok, I’ll stay. Am I supposed to be having a vision? Silence. Ok, I’ll stay. Am I supposed to be praying over anyone? Silence. Ok, I’ll stay. Just me; on my knees, having a completely logical and normal train of thought. Ok, God, I don’t know why but I’m staying here until you tell me otherwise.

Then I hear one phrase: “Honor Him, for He is your King.” Alright! God’s about to speak to me! What else do you have to say? “Honor Him, for He is your King.” OK…and… “Honor Him, for He is your King.” Wait, this is might be bigger than I realize. What happens when a king enters the room? You bow down! My body was responding to the presence of God in the room even when my mind didn’t understand why! “Honor Him, for He is your King.” Yes, Lord. Here I am.

God is showing me that my need to kneel down is two-fold. One, the reason I just shared with you. He is a might, holy King who is worthy of all honor and respect! By the way, the phrase I was hearing comes from Psalm 45:11. Two, I have declared that my life is surrendered to Him. Getting on my knees is my reminder that my life is not my own. I am His servant, ready to do His bidding. (More on that in my next blog post.) Honoring him and surrendering my life go hand in hand.

I’m still in the middle of this. Each time I bow, something happens in me, something breaks inside of me. Something of my flesh breaks and is replaced with a piece of God. He isn’t done with me. Every time I bend my knee, it gets a little easier but, every time I’m also giving Him permission to go a little deeper. It hurts. But when I think about the possibility of running my own life and having things my own way, it terrifies me and I stay on my knees, surrendering to God once again. He is big. He is sovereign. He is holy. There is an awe building up inside of me. Bowing down to the living God is changing me. I don’t always understand what is happening and I don’t always understand Him, but I don’t have to understand Him to worship Him. The irony? In worshiping Him, I start to understand Him. And it makes me fall to me knees again.