Friday, June 11, 2010

What I left behind

Birmingham homesickness is setting in a bit.  I ran across an entry I wrote the night before I left not quite 2 weeks ago.  It was one of those time when I had a million words but few of them would settle long enough to let me catch them.  The ones I could get a hold of are recorded below. 

Here's a nugget for thought as you read this: What are the purpose of "kingdom connections*" that you have to leave behind?  (*You know, those kindred spirits you could talk to about God forever with and you walk away refreshed every time you talk with them. Or people that as close as family because you've been through thick and thin with them and would die for them.)

"I sit here at an epic point in my life. I’m someone who enjoys the 'now' but this season has forced me both into the past and into the future. What 'has been' is at a definite end, and what 'is to be' is quite unknown. The only thing I know of now is that it feels as though roots are being torn from the soil. I knew it was going to happen but I had lived as though these were the only people I would invest into. It makes the parting go hand in hand with a dull throb in my heart. I know better than to make promises about meeting again. The only guarantee I can give is that we shall be in eternity together.

"Yet somehow the tears have stayed at bay. Is that wrong? I have to wonder if I am so out of grasp with reality that I don’t realize the enormity of what is happening or, what if I am unrealistic in the way I cling to hope? Or maybe my spirit knows something my mind can’t fully grasp. The only inkling I get has been this thought: I can’t imagine that God has put these relationships in my life only for them to end.

"No, there has to be a bigger reason. What of all that I have learned from them and through them? I shall carry those lessons for a life time. What of the memories and joy that they have brought me? Those will be a constant companion. What of the struggles and battles I have been through with and for them? The scars are there to keep me wise in times to come. What of the victories and peace? It reminds me why I keep going."